It’s all good and there’s no problem, y’know?

Geez, these are only suggestions. I hope you didn’t think that any of this stuff was binding.

Stop signs. Speed limits. Turn signals.

Carry-on baggage policies.

“Please turn off your cell phone.” They don’t say, “Or else.”

“Dogs must be on a leash when off of the owner’s property.” Certainly this doesn’t apply to everyone.

“Dog owners must pick up and properly dispose of their dog’s defecation both on and off the owner’s property.” Are you kidding me?

I read somewhere that a dog owner commits a Class 2 petty offense if, “The dog’s owner fails to prevent his or her dog from disturbing the peace of any person by loud, habitual, or persistent barking, howling, yelping, or whining.”

What’s wrong with a little non-stop barking?

“No person shall stop, stand, or park a vehicle within five feet of a public or private driveway.” My neighbors are in the clear. The ones who think they are living in a frat house. Party, dudes.

“No solicitors” sign on someone’s door? It’s just a proposal, not an ultimatum.

“The number you are calling is on the National Do Not Call Registry. If you are a solicitor, please hang up, and remove this number from your call list.”

Heck no. Who doesn’t want to be called by a politician’s aide?

“No skateboarding.” Ha!

“No shirt, no service.” Try telling that to Scout Willis.

Rules, rules, rules, what are they good for? Absolutely nothing.

Etiquette? I’m no Emily Post. I had a get-together and someone I didn’t invite showed up and ate most of the little sandwiches.

Emily would have frowned on that, but not me.

I feel the same way when someone cuts in line, or cuts in front of me on the highway. Everything is beautiful (in its own way).

I was listening to an Up With People album one afternoon, and there was a knock on the door.

Two young men were standing on my porch, holding out pamphlets. I love pamphlets. Both of them were dressed so nicely, in white shirts and ties.

And I could see their bicycles in the driveway.

Now, I know that some people refuse to welcome these fine young people. Not me, brother.

Elbows off the table. Don’t talk with your mouth full. Don’t play with your food.

If God didn’t want me to play with my food, why did he invent mashed potatoes?

Don’t run with scissors.

If you want to say “Wimbleton” instead of “Wimbledon,” you go right ahead.

If you want to say “poinsetta” instead of “poinsettia,” you go right ahead.

Who says what you order at Starbucks is featherbrained and pretentious?

Stand up for your rights, even if they are wrongs.

How are we supposed to appreciate good behavior if there is no bad behavior?

You don’t know how great it is not to have a toothache until you have had one, right?

You don’t know how great it is not to have swollen and bleeding gums, until you have had swollen and bleeding gums.

Maybe your neighbors are the equivalents of swollen and bleeding gums, but try to get along. Live and let live is my motto.

The frat boys took forever to rake their leaves, so a lot of them became my leaves.

When they finally got around to raking their leaves, they didn’t bag them. They piled them up right next to the fence.

I think I saw a family of snakes moving in. And that’s OK. I am an animal lover.

But I have to say that I kind of wish that leash suggestion was binding.

Smitty and I have been beset upon 14 times by unleashed dogs, and you never know what might happen. Smitty is a fierce individual.

But not me. You will find me at the corner of Easy Going and Vine.

Craig Marshall Smith is an artist, educator and Highlands Ranch resident. He can be reached at [email protected].

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