Sebelius testimony translated: I did not have sexual relations with that website

.@Sebelius: "The website has never crashed." Daily Show writers are celebrating somewhere.

— Clay Johnson (@cjoh) October 30, 2013

Say what now?

Sebelius: "The website has never crashed." ?????????????

— Phil Kerpen (@kerpen) October 30, 2013

Yes, Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius testified today that the Obamacare website has “never crashed.”

Sebelius: The website has never "crashed". It continues to function at a very low speed." #JustShootMeNow #Obamacare

— Nels (@debitking) October 30, 2013

How does she define “crash”? And did she consult with Bill Clinton before testifying?

Bill Clinton never had sexual relations with that woman. It was functional, at a lower level.

— Loren Heal (@lheal) October 30, 2013

Sebelius: website has never CRASHED – as it remains down during her testimony

— Jonathan Strong (@j_strong) October 30, 2013

@Sebelius says ACA website has never crashed. Than what is this? pic.twitter.com/0IFZobN8k7

— Brad Stevens (@bstevens84) October 30, 2013

Sebelius: "The Web site has never crashed." Yes, she did raise her right hand at the beginning of this. #underoath

— Pray for Medicine (@PrayforMedicine) October 30, 2013

"These are not the droids you're looking for…" RT @joelpollak: #Sebelius: "The website has never crashed."

— Susie Moore (@SmoosieQ) October 30, 2013

Sebelius: "The website has never crashed." http://t.co/yd0e4eSeII

— Ben Shapiro (@benshapiro) October 30, 2013

The Obamaspeak keeps on comin':

"The website has never crashed"

"you can keep your insurance if you like it"

"Max Baucus wrote a good bill"— Bob Brigham (@BobBrigham) October 30, 2013

Person who says website has never crashed also says people can keep their plans. #credibility

— Brian Faughnan (@BrianFaughnan) October 30, 2013

Related:

‘Can’t make this stuff up!’ Obamacare website down as Sebelius testifies about botched rollout [pics]