Grief, sorrow can have role in holiday

Is Christmas celebration appropriate when we have troubles and sorrow? Is it possible?

This is the most wonderful time of the year. The lights, the music, and hustle and bustle of shopping warm our hearts and brighten our spirits during this time of year when the nights are longest and the coldest days of the year are still ahead.

We dream of a white Christmas and promise that we will be home for Christmas. The mere imagination of being together with family, going to church, singing the carols and lighting a candle helps to change our mood and causes the worst Grinch to bring cheer with extravagant expressions of generosity.

But this most wonderful time of year has severe challenges too. There are suicides and increases in addictive behavior. Loneliness feels worse. When things go wrong, like fatal accidents, terrorist attacks, illnesses that don’t get better, births that come early and present profound complications, then the celebration is interrupted by emotionally numbing shock and pain. Instead of celebrating, we wonder how we can go on, since life will be never be the same again. Those who are absent because of death or crisis are dearly missed.

Stress increases too. The traffic, travel and spending turn up the anxiety levels. When money does not go far enough or if there is an end-of-year layoff, car problem or broken relationship, a sense of well-being or ability to enjoy pleasure can be stolen from us.

I’ve been journeying with grieving people and others going through painful life changing circumstances. Together we search for a way to celebrate so a small glimmer of hope, joy, peace and love will shine in our dark places, the way that the light of a candle simply and warmly shines at a Christmas Eve service.

One of my most valued colleagues in the field of care and grief ministry, Karen Schoenhals, writes:

“To successfully grieve, not sinking into bitterness and despair, is to allow room in our hearts for both joy and sorrow to exist, to be experienced simultaneously, and to be openly acknowledged together. And the beauty of Christmas is Emmanuel, God with us, who lost everything when He came into this dark world to save us –; to walk with us through our dark path of grief and give us joy.”

If our celebration is merely a commercial event full of decorations, spending, entertainment and gatherings, as nice as they may be, it is does not reach the deepest parts of our soul where joy and sorrow mingle.

But when our celebration comes from a deeply spiritual experience, born in us by the humble birth of the Christ child into a world of darkness, conflict and confusion, then we realize the source of all this celebration came specifically to meet us in our dark times.

This awakening in me has enriched my Christmas celebration. Planning a Blue Christmas service (email me for more information) made it clear that even when we have trouble and sorrow, our activities might be more subdued and tears may be present, but by making room for the Christ child in the deepest, loneliest and most painful place in our souls, celebrating at Christmas is possible and then it is the most appropriate.

Dan Hettinger is the congregational care pastor at Mountainview Christian Church in Highlands Ranch and author of “Welcome to the Big Leagues –; Every Man’s Journey to Significance.” Dan also represents The Denver Hospice to the faith community throughout Denver. You can email him at dan@mtnvw.org.

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